The 'nice' one (and why you need to be more self aware around them.)

I’ve just had a client in, and before our session we got talking about something that happened to him recently. He gave me full permission to share this, and honestly—it’s something I feel strongly about.

If we’re talking archetypes, this is your classic ‘nice girl’ or ‘nice guy’.

It’s not the first time I’ve heard this pattern—and it hits close to home.

It’s that role of being “the soft one.” The one who over-empathises, over-gives, makes exceptions, and lets things slide, for the sake of peace, connection, and keeping things light-hearted.

But here’s the thing...

Some of you—even the self-aware ones—are unconsciously taking advantage of that.

You think:

“Ahh, they won’t mind.”

“They’re easy-going.”

“They’ll understand.”

“They won’t say anything.”

But the danger in that mindset is this:

Soft people don’t always signal when a line’s been crossed.

Not because they’re unaware, and not because they’re incapable of speaking up—but because at first, they give you the benefit of the doubt.They try to see it from your side.

They’re wired to feel things deeply—and this means two things:They feel it twice as much when imagining how you might feel if they brought it up.And they feel it twice as much when you do actually cross the line.

So instead of saying something straight away, they adjust.They shift your access.Your ability to cross the same line again.

And then what do people often say?

“They changed.”

“Things aren’t the same anymore.”

“They became distant all of a sudden.”

"It came out of nowhere."

But the truth is—there was nothing sudden about it.

They quietly moved the boundary to protect both themselves and the relationship.They observed.

And they adjusted again if they needed to.

And yes—maybe they could have spoken up sooner.

But also… why should they have to?

That shift was THEM communicating.

And over time, they started noticing that you still pushed.

They clocked how many times they had to adapt.They kept quiet, but they kept count.

And eventually, speaking up felt pointless—because your actions already said it all.

They decided it wasn’t worth trying to salvage something with someone who mistook their kindness for weakness, and their softness as an opening to disrespect.

So let me say this:

Don’t write people off as “soft” and assume that means unlimited chances.

Don’t categorise them as easy to walk over—because honestly, they’re probably noticing more than anyone else.

Before you expect them to “toughen up” or change their boundaries—maybe ask yourself: Am I treating them with less care because I’ve decided I can get away with it?